


Letting Go

by ErejeanAnonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ghost Marco Bott, Grief, Healing, M/M, Ouija Board, Past Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Spirits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-03-08 00:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18884701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErejeanAnonymous/pseuds/ErejeanAnonymous
Summary: After over a year of meaningless living, Jean Kirstein finally finds a way to revisit what he once lost. However, what's lost can't always be regained and, sometimes, moving on is what's best for everyone involved.





	1. Who was he?

I tugged my hood over my head, shoving my hands deep into my hoodie's pocket as I made my way down the street. In the distance, the sound of heavy bass music and uni students cheering could be heard. The sky was dark and filled with thick clouds, the only light coming from the few street lamps and the large house ahead of me.

To be honest, I’ve no clue why I had decided to come out tonight. It wasn’t the first time I had been invited to one of Sasha’s parties, though it was the first time that actually ended up going. She and her flatmates often threw them, although, to my knowledge, they were usually a lot smaller than this.

I made my way up the steps to the large house, slipping past multiple couples as I did so. The large, white building matched the other student houses scattered around the area, and If I didn’t know that it was a share house I would have assumed the people living there were rich.

As soon as I stepped inside, I began to worry that coming here was a mistake. The large crowd of people quickly became overwhelming and I could only just about manage to find my way to the kitchen to grab myself a drink. Sadly, the only thing left was beer, but I figured that it would do and grabbed a bottle from the table. 

Looking around, I struggled to find any faces that I really recognised. Usually, Sasha invites a bunch of people from our class, but I was sure that I had never seen any of these people before in my life.

Starting to feel anxious, I decided to take a look around the place for any sign of familiarity, taking sips of my drink as I did so. I started with downstairs first, though I soon grew tired of the headache-inducing music that was coming from the speakers. I was considering leaving when I noticed a half-open door in the corner, close to the back exit.

Peering in, I found a concrete staircase heading downwards. The area spiked an interest, causing me to slip inside and close the door behind me. I was amazed at how much it dulled out the music playing just from the other side of it.

I made my way down the stairs, worrying a little in the back of my mind that I was about to walk in on some group orgy or some shit. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case, and I instead found a small group of people standing in a miniature crowd. Looking over their shoulders, I spotted three girls sitting in a circle on the floor, all staring down at a ouija board.

The room was mostly silent when I walked in but, slowly, I started to hear the people around me begin to complain. 

“This is dumb. It’s not even doing anything!”

A few more people give annoyed mutters, all clearly disappointed that nothing was happening. My brows perked up a little as I looked around. Did they seriously expect anything else?

“As if it would ever work, anyway,” I mumbled, my voice barely audible to those around me. 

“They’re doing it wrong.”

I looked in the direction of the monotone voice, my brows raising slightly. Standing beside me, I found a brunette, whose gaze was set firmly on the spirit board. His brows scrunched together slightly, his expression looking serious. I was about to ask what he meant when one of the three girls called out.

“Oh, Eren! You’re into these kinds of things, aren’t you? Can’t you help?”

A sigh slipped past his lips but he moved towards them, anyway. He sat down, placing himself between the blonde girl who had called him over and the brunette who I’m only just realising is Sasha.

He reached out, placing his fingers on the piece of plastic in the middle. The room returned to silence as everyone watched intensely, waiting for something to happen. There was a moment of quiet before the guy - Eren - spoke up.

“Is anybody there?”

He sounded... disinterested. 

There were a few more moments of silence, then, before the room quickly became filled with gasps and squeals as the plastic began to move across the board.

When their fingers reached the word ‘yes’ on the board, more panic filled the room. A few people whispered things around me, wondering if it was all real or not, and I could swear that the blonde girl in the middle looked as though she was about to cry.

“No fucking way.”

“Oh my gosh, this is crazy!”

“Man, this is fucking creepy.”

People murmured on about the situation, all wrapped up in it. I found even myself starting to become a little nervous, suddenly feeling as though something was watching me. 

Eren spoke up again, his voice just as monotone as the first time I heard him.

“Ymir moved it.”

We all looked at the suspect - A freckled brunette, who stared directly back at everyone in the room. She stayed quiet for a few moments before shrugging her shoulders.

“Yeah. He’s right.”

Groans of annoyance filled the room, quickly followed by complaints from the two other girls in the middle. The blonde one appeared the most hurt by it, which wasn’t shocking when you considered how absolutely terrified she had looked before.

Without any other words, Eren stood up, making his way out of the room along with a few others. I lingered a moment before heading up after him, the music growing louder with each step I took. He made his way out the back door, heading down to the end of the garden that sat furthest from the house. I was surprised by the distinct lack of people around the back, only spotting a few smokers near the doorway, but decided to just shrug it off as I made my way over to the brunet.

He sat down on an old bench, facing away from the building. Awkwardly, I stayed standing a little behind him, my hands hidden in my pocket as I tried to figure out what to do.

“Are you just going to stay standing there like a creep or what?”

The words surprised me a little at first, my heart picking up slightly in my chest. I shifted my weight from side to side, hesitating a moment before walking the remaining distance and sitting down beside him. 

“I’m not a creep,” I defended, to which he just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say,” he mumbled, his gaze set down on his drink. I nervously tapped the side of my own. “What do you want?”

My brows furrowed together slightly in thought.

“That was, uh, kinda lame back there,” I eventually spoke, the words stumbling out of my mouth before I could really even process them. 

He shrugged. “Like I said - they were doing it wrong.”

“Right,” I mumbled. “What exactly do you mean by that, though?

He glanced over and quirked a brow at me, as if I was stupid for being clueless on what we were talking about. “Uh, I mean that they were doing it wrong.”

“No, I-,” I cut myself off with an agitated groan, holding my head in my hand for a moment. “This is fucking pointless,” I muttered, before standing up and beginning to walk away from him. Just as I made my way past the bench, he spoke up, causing me to stop in my tracks.

“Who was he?”

I waited a moment before looking back at him, my brows furrowed together. He had his head just barely turned in my direction, his gaze directed just to the side of me.

“What?”

He didn’t reply immediately. Instead, he took a swig of his drink, his gaze drifting further away from me.

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

He turned back around, continuing to drink his beer. I lingered for a moment, unsure what to do, but eventually went back to walking away from him. It was far too late and I was far too impatient to be dealing with this. 

I went off to try and find Sasha again, or for anyone that I knew, really. Still, though, Eren’s question continued to bounce around in the back of my mind.

/who was he?/

I wanted to just attribute it to him simply being weird but I couldn’t let those words go. If my gut about him was right then I knew damn well what he meant by those words but...

I don't think that was something I wanted to face just yet.


	2. The Attic

I gave a long groan as my body slowly woke from sleep, my arms heavy by the sides of my head and my stomach flat on the bed. My eyes fluttered open, the blurry world around me slowly starting to come into view. My head hurt like hell and my body felt just as awful, with every part of seeming to ache.

My body lay sprawled out on top of my bed, my clothes from the night before still on my body. How the hell I got home, I had no idea. Though, really, I had no idea about much of anything that happened last night.

Eventually, I rolled over onto my side, looking around the floor and groaning when I saw the cans of beer scattered across it, though I knew that most of them had already been there for days now. On my bedside table, my phone flashed, revealing several text notifications. After just staring at it for a long while, I finally reached out to grab it, sighing when I saw that they were all from Sasha.

‘You okay?’ -SB

‘Hey, just making sure you’re alive.’ -SB

‘Jeeaaaannnn’ -SB

‘Call me when you wake up you idiot’ -SB

There were many more just like that. I leaned back against my headboard, dragging my fingers through my hair as I dialled her number. I had never seen her seem so worried about me before.

“Jean?”

I sighed. “Morning, Sasha.”

“You’re alive!”

“Just about,” I grumbled, tugging my duvet up to my chest. “What happened? I feel like hell.”

“Connie came back last night with vodka. You ended up drinking, like, a lot. Then when we tried to walk you home, you grabbed a six-pack and went off on your own. You refused to stay at mine or let anyone else come with you.”

I bit down on my lip as I listened. Good thing I didn’t live far, I guessed.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, unsure what else to say.

Sasha sighed into the phone before speaking. “Well, I guess at least you’re alive,” she said, waiting a few moments before adding, “I should probably go tidy up. The place is a mess, even the garden ended up getting fucked by the end of the night.”

“Wait,” I blurted out, my mind flashing back to the earlier parts of last night. I waited a moment to make sure that Sasha was still there before continuing. “Can I ask, uh, who was that guy last night? The one doing the spirit board shit.”

“What, you mean Eren?”

/Eren/. “Yeah.”

“What about him?”

I thought back to how he acted around everyone else, as well as what he said to me. /Who was he?/ “Just, what’s his deal? Like, with the spirit stuff and shit.”

Sasha gave a quiet hum. “I don’t know. He’s always been into stuff like that. Once, I went to ask him something in his room, and it was all dark but with like lit candles and shit. Proper spooky.”

“Why the hell were you in his room?”

She went silent for a few moments before chuckling. “Uh, because he lives with me? Doesn’t usually like people intruding on him, though. Oh, yeah, and he’s got the attic room so it’s like… double the spooky.”

My brows furrowed together as I listened, trying to process everything that she was saying. The early hours of last night played through my mind over and over as I tried to match Sasha’s description to the person I had met.

/Who was he?/

Had he really been asking about what I thought he was?

“Jean? You there?”

I waited a few moments more before speaking.

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

The question must have surprised her slightly because, for once, she took a while before answering.

“I guess, yeah. Why?”

I chewed on my thumbnail in thought, trying to figure out what to say. My eyes narrowed slightly as a thought popped into my head.

“Hey, do you need help cleaning up?”

“Uh, I think we should have it covered but-.”

“Cool, I’ll be over in five,” I interrupted, hanging up the phone before she even had the chance to fully answer.

I quickly got ready to go, deciding to just change my t-shirt and throw a clean, grey hoodie on top. After a quick spray of deodorant, I figured that the rest would be fine as it was and made my leave.

Sasha’s place was, to put it lightly, a total fucking mess. Almost every surface was covered in cans and cups and bottles, with a good chunk of them spilling drips of alcohol onto the floor. In all honesty, I had planned to not help much at all, but seeing the place in the state it was in managed to convince me otherwise. Really, it was shocking that Sasha even /attempted/ to decline my offer.

She handed over a rubbish bag when I came in and I soon got to work. Her other housemates must have still been asleep or, at least, pretending to be, because the only other person awake and helping was the blonde girl from down in the basement. She probably did more than Sasha and I did combined, even going out of her way to start removing some of the stains. 

After a good twenty minutes or so, I snook upstairs, trying not to make too much noise as I did so. It only took me four attempts to find the room I was looking for and, really, I was surprised that I hadn’t been noticed during the process.

A small sigh slipped past my lips as I opened the door that revealed the tight, wooden staircase that led up to the attic room. Carefully, I closed the door behind me, before making my way up the steps. 

I froze as the old wood creaked underneath me. For a moment, I thought I had gotten away with it, but I soon heard an irritated voice call out to me.

“Sasha? Is that you?”

Hesitantly, I continued walking, looking over in the boy’s direction as soon as my head had poked into view.

Eren was sitting on the centre of his bed, his legs crossed in front of him. Fortunately, he was dressed, wearing an oversized, grey jumper and some black, ripped skinny jeans. As soon as he saw me, his brows shot up, his eyes widening slightly. I pulled my gaze away from him, instead opting to look around his room. 

Short bookshelves ran across the side, filled to the brim. The wooden ceiling angled upwards, limiting the height of the furniture pushed against the edges. Just as Sasha had indicated, there were a vast amount of candles scattered across all of the surfaces, though none of them were currently lit. In the centre sat a rectangular, purple rug, matching the accents of purple spotted around the room.

“Uh, can I help you?”

I flicked my gaze back towards the brunet, who hadn’t moved a muscle since he first spotted me. 

“I don’t know, can you?”

He narrowed his eyes a little as he turned more in my direction. “Dude, what do you want?”

I looked away from him and made my way over to one of the bookshelves, staring down at its surface. A candle sat at each corner, surrounding the ouija board that was in the centre.

“Do you really believe in this crap?” I asked, reaching down to pick up the white plastic that sat beside the board. I only had it in my hand for a moment before Eren appeared at my side, making me jump as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

He held his spare hand out, waiting for me to give him the small object. After a moment of consideration, I complied, placing it in his hand before moving out of the way so he could put it back where I had found it. I shoved my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, still waiting for him to respond.

Once he had sorted everything out, he turned back to face me. 

“What’s your name?”

I quirked a brow at him. “Uh, Jean.”

“Well, Jean, could you kindly get the fuck out of my room?”

My eyes widened slightly at the sudden change in tone. For a moment, I considered doing as he asked, but quickly decided against it.

“No. Answer my question.”

“Why do you even care?”

“I think you know why.” 

His hands had clenched into fists by now, his arms straight down at his sides as he stared bitterly up at me. After a few moments of intense silence, he relaxed his body, a sigh slipping past his lips. 

“Jean, please, just leave.”

He turned around, making his way over to his desk. My body loosened up as I watched him, guilt starting to knot in my stomach. I shifted my weight nervously, not wanting to leave just yet.

After a while of silence, I spoke up. “Sorry for, uh, touching your plastic thingy,” I mumbled, my voice quiet.

“It’s called a planchette, actually,” he corrected, though he sounded a lot less irritated than he did before. He turned to look at me, a stack of flashcards in his hand. 

“Right, well, sorry anyway.”

“It’s fine,” he said, before flicking his gaze to stare down at the cards. “I just hate people touching my stuff.”

“I get that.”

There was an awkward silence, then, neither of us knowing what to say. Eren clearly just wanted me to leave but I didn’t want to go just yet. I wanted answers.

“Listen-,”

“Eren! I know you’re awake so stop stalling and-,” Sasha paused when she reached the top of the steps, flicking her gaze between us. Her lips soon curled up into a grin. “Oh, what’s going on here?” She asked, wiggling her brows at us.

“Nothing,” Eren quipped, setting his cards back down on the table behind him. He huffed out a short sigh. “Come on, if you’re going to hang around then you should at least help out,” he mumbled, looking in my direction. He waited for me to start moving before following me out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo I might release two chapters a week haha. Definitely every Sunday but I may also start doing Wednesday! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Cleaning Up

It didn’t take too long for us to clean the house, all thanks to Sasha’s ability of complaining super fucking loudly until people do as she wants. By the time we were finishing up, everyone in the house has joined in helping out, including those who weren’t even living there.

I stuck around Eren for as much of it as I could, quickly noticing how much it clearly annoyed him. Once everything was finished, the blonde girl (who, I found out, was called Krista) made us all hot drinks. Well, everyone but the few people not living there, who left just before she offered.

Eren also tried to leave, though I couldn’t tell if it was because I was still around or if he was generally just like that. Thankfully, Krista just about convinced him to stay, and we all made our way into the living room to have our drinks.

Really, I didn’t want to hang around much, either. Or, at least I usually wouldn’t want to. This time, however, I was too focused on my goal to care. For the past year and a half, I had been mostly drifting through my days, not feeling too passionate about anything. Now, however, I knew that there was something I wanted. Even if it didn’t work out, I at least needed to try.

“It’s crazy how we’re already in our second semester,” Krista commented, holding her drink in both hands, with her sleeves dangling at the ends. 

“Yup. Six months from now, we’ll be starting our final year,” Sasha chimed in, shifting in her seat beside me. 

“God, don’t remind us,” Ymir groaned.

The blonde smiled a little, shrugging her shoulders. “Ah, well, at least we got to have a good party before classes start up again.”

“That’s true. I mean, even Jean had fun,” Sasha grinned, nudging at my side with her elbow.

“Oh, do you not like parties?” Krista looked over at me, her gaze innocent. 

I chewed my lip nervously, refraining from shooting an irritated glare in Sasha’s direction. “I just, uh, don’t go out much, anymore,” I answered, feeling a little awkward.

“Shocking,” Eren mumbled sarcastically, taking a sip of his drink. I shot my gaze in his direction, my eyes narrowing a little. 

“Excuse me?”

He glanced across at me, seeming to be thinking a moment before speaking again. “Nothing. 

I huffed out a sigh, placing my drink down on the coffee table. “What the hell is your problem?” I asked, my words coming out as a low mumble.

He raised his brows. “/My/ problem? I’m not the one sneaking into stranger’s rooms.”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

He placed his drink down, speaking as he did so. “No, you wanted me to help you with shit that shouldn’t even be any of my damn business.” He stood up, beginning to make his way over to the hallway but stopping when I responded.

“So /what/?” I asked, standing up and walking over to him. “What the hell is wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong with it is that it’s fucking weird,” he spat, spinning around on his heel to look at me. You could practically see the emotion radiating off of him. “I’m tired of people like you thinking that I’m going to just solve all your problems. Stop trying to get me to help you and just let it go! Better yet, go see a fucking therapist instead of-,”

I cut him off, punching him in the face.

He stumbled back slightly, his hand reaching up to his cheek. My fists stayed clenched at my sides as I glared across at him, my breathing heavy. When he didn’t fight back, I darted my eyes across the room, regret striking through me when I saw how shocked everyone looked. 

Krista was the first to move, hurriedly going over to Eren to comfort him and ask if he was okay. I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder, quickly taking a step away to see who it was.

Sasha retracted her hand, staring up at me with a look of concern. Before she could say anything, I backed out of the room, taking one final look at Eren before bolting out. 

My hands dragged repeatedly through my hair as I speed-walked down the pavement, my heart beating wildly in my chest. As the previous events raced through my mind over and over, my pace only increased, as though going faster would somehow allow me to escape my thoughts.

When I was younger, I got into fights all the time. I never felt too guilty about it, always feeling that my actions were justified, but I still managed to gain control of it as I got older. 

Punching Eren wasn’t even the thing that was making me feel shitty. No, instead, it was how the others had looked at me. They were shocked and confused, sure, but behind that, I could see the worry and disappointment as well.

Disappointment that matched how /he/ used to look at me. 

The same damn reason I was able to start gaining control of my actions in the first place.

If he were here now…

I didn’t want to think about how he’d look at me.

~

“Can I sit?”

I looked up, my eyes widening when I saw who was in front of me. I scanned his face, swallowing deeply as I noticed the redness of his skin and the slight swelling of his cheek. When I didn’t immediately respond, he made a slight gesture towards the park bench I was on, reminding me of what he had just asked.

“Go for it.”

He gave a short nod before sitting down beside me, making sure to leave a good amount of space between us. I looked him over whilst he moved, a billion questions running through my mind.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, before furrowing my brows together a little as I changed my mind. “Actually, no, how the hell did you even know where to find me?”

“Psychic,” he said, his face serious. He looked across at me, grinning a little when he noticed my shocked expression. “Kidding. You’re just a dumbass who leaves his Snapmaps on.”

A short sigh slipped past my lips. If he hadn’t told the truth, I would have probably believed him.

I rolled my eyes. “Dick.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, well, at least I’m here,” he said, looking down at his lap. “Sasha made me come to apologise.”

I quirked a brow at him. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” He looked me over, giving a small sigh. “So, you know. Sorry, or whatever.”

“You’re shit at apologies,” I criticised, but I felt like it was at least somewhat genuine. “I’m sorry too, or whatever.”

He gave a quiet chuckle. “Thanks.”

“So, does this mean you’ve changed your mind?” I asked, waiting a beat before adding. “you know, about helping me?”

He gave me a pained look, hesitating a moment before responding. “Jean, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Right.” I stared down at the ground, my brows furrowed together. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“That thing you said at the party, when we were out the back, what did you mean?”

His brow quirked up at that. “I’m sure you know what I meant, Jean. I mean, you wouldn’t have come storming into my room if you hadn’t.”

“I just want to hear you say it.”

He sighed as he leaned back, his gaze drifting away from me. A few moments passed before he spoke up. “I just wanted to know who it was that left you.”

My eyes closed as the words left his mouth, the way he said ‘left’ playing over in the back of my mind. So, I was right, then. 

“What about that other thing you said?” I continued, opening my eyes to look at him again. “That thing about the girls using the board wrong.”

“Well, I told you that-,”

“Yes but /how/?” I insisted, turning my body to face him. “What is it that they did wrong?”

He frowned at me, taking a moment to scan my face before speaking. “You’re really not going to let this go, are you?”

I shook my head in response, to which he simply sighed. He stared down at the ground, his brows pulled together in thought.

“Fine,” he eventually spoke, standing up and facing me. “Let’s go.”

“What?”

“Let’s go,” he repeated, then rolling his eyes when I still didn’t move. “Back to my place. I’ll help you out.”


	4. Anybody there?

Half of Eren’s housemates were still sitting in the living room when we got back. I didn’t know what they were talking about but, as soon as the front door closed behind us, they all quickly quietened down. The brunet paid them no attention as he headed straight for the stairs, none of them saying anything to either of us as he did so. I glanced into the living room as I passed it, quickly looking away again once I saw them all watching me.

Once we reached Eren’s bedroom, he immediately went over to grab the ouija board and planchette, placing it on the centre of his rug. I watched as he searched through some draws, grabbing candles from around the room as he went.

“Did he have a favourite smell?”

I raised my brows, a little taken aback by the sudden, odd question. “Uh, I guess… I guess He liked lavender.”

Eren nodded and grabbed a box from his draw, before carrying everything over to the rug again. Positioning a candle at each corner of the rug, he lit them as he went. He then opened up the box, taking out a few purple tea lights and lighting them before placing them along the two sides, between the candles.

Once everything was set up, he closed the curtains, leaving the candles to be the only source of light in the room. He sat down on one end and nodded toward the other, silently indicating for me to sit down. Hesitantly, I did as he wanted, mirroring his position by sitting with my legs crossed.

“So, uh, are we just going straight into it?”

“Not yet,” he answered, moving the tea light box to the side before looking up at me, his brow raised. “Why? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No,” I quickly responded, sounding a little more defensive than I would have liked. “Just, I mean, should we be doing it now? Like, isn’t it better to do this kind of stuff at night?”

“Actually, from my experience, I usually find it better to do it in the day. I think it just makes the atmosphere a little calmer for them, you know?”

Not really. “Uh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

He sighed. “Jean, seriously, if you don’t want to do this then we shouldn’t do it.”

“I want to! It’s just, you know, fucking weird is all,” I said, my voice dropping to a small mumble at the end. I looked down at my lap, avoiding eye contact with Eren. What if it was all bullshit? What if something went wrong or Sasha burst in again? What if-

“Jean,” Eren spoke again, his voice soft. He was reaching over now, holding onto my hand. He held eye contact with me for a moment before looking away again, his gaze drifting over to a little behind me. “It’ll be okay,” he breathed, looking at me once more as he moved back again, taking his hand with him.

I pressed lips together, trying to sort through all the thoughts in my mind, After a moment, I gave out a shaky breath, nodding my head once. “Okay.”

Eren nodded back at me. “Okay. Well, uh, usually it’s good to have something that is associated with the person, like a photo of them or something that they owned. To be honest, I don’t think that’s really necessary this time but…”

“I have his bracelet,” I said, pulling up my hoodie sleeve to reveal it. There were two, actually, both similar to each other. The first was mine, with a dark brown, braided string, as well as a silver, metal band at the top that had my name carved into it. The other was almost the exact same, except it was more of a beige colour and had his name carved into it instead.

I pulled his off, handing it over to Eren.

Carefully, he held onto it, looking it over as he did so.

“Marco,” he read, looking up at me as he spoke. “Is that his name?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, my heart aching a little in my chest. It was so weird hearing someone talk about him in the present tense for once. Hell, nowadays it was weird hearing someone say his name at all. Still, it was kind of nice.

Eren nodded and placed the bracelet just to the side of the board, handling it with a surprising amount of care.

“You ready to start?”

“Guess so,” I said, shifting my body a little in an attempt to get more comfortable. “Uh, what do I need to do?”

“Just put your finger on the planchette,” he directed, doing the same as I complied. I chewed nervously on my lip.

“How will we know if it’s actually him?”

“I’ll know,” he answered, his voice filled with certainty.

I nodded.

“Okay,” he began, returning his gaze to the board. “We’ll just start by moving the planchette in a circle three times, okay?”

I was going to ask why but decided against it, instead just doing as he asked.

Once we finished circling the planchette, we kept it still in the centre of the board, staying silent for a moment before Eren spoke up.

“Is anybody there?”

Nothing happened at first and, after a few moments, I started to wonder if Eren was just crazy. Before I knew it, though, the planchette started moving, sliding over to the word ‘yes’.

It felt so… weird. It was hard to describe, really. It was as though nothing was /physically/ moving it but, like, there was this weird energy with it? Like, if telekinesis was real, this is how I would imagine touching something they moved would feel.

…

God, maybe I was the crazy one.

A shaky breath slipped past my lips as I looked up at Eren, though he was too focused on the board to notice.

“Is this Marco?”

His voice sounded bored, as though he already knew the answer.

The planchette moved to the right slightly, before returning to where it just was.

I bit down on my lip, my breath catching in my throat. It couldn’t really be him, could it?

“How do I know you’re not just moving it?” I asked, looking back up at Eren again.

He just shrugged, clearly not bothered by the accusation. “Ask him something I wouldn’t know.”

I scrunched my brows together in thought, trying to think of something. I’d spent so long trying /not/ to think about him that it felt almost unnatural to do the opposite.

“I…” I couldn’t think of what to say. I didn’t want to unload all my deepest secrets and emotions right in front of Eren but, at the same time, I couldn’t shake the idea that he was messing me. I needed to think of something so I knew that I was really talking to Marco; something that Eren couldn’t know. I chewed on my lip, taking a moment to ready myself before speaking again, my voice quiet.

“Where did we first say I love you?”

I could feel Eren’s gaze flick up to me but chose to ignore it, instead keeping my eyes set firmly on the board. Nothing happened at first and, in a weird way, I felt almost /relieved/.

But, then, it moved. Slowly, at first, but it soon picked up in speed a little.

C. A. S.

By the time it reached the third letter, my eyes had already watered up, my free hand moving up against my face.

T. L. E.

My breathing was shaking as it reached the end of the word. Eren couldn’t know that. There was /no way/ he could.

“Marco,” I whimpered out, moving my hand up to cover my eyes. Tears were streaming out at this point and I had no way of stopping them. It was /Marco/. Like, it was actually him.

“I love you so much,” I spoke, barely able to get the words out. “I still love you. I miss you so fucking much. Why did you have to leave? I can’t-… Just, fuck, I love you.”

I was sure half of what I was saying wasn’t even coherent but I didn’t care. All I wanted was for Marco to know I still loved him.

I kept my hand over my face, wanting to just go back to talking to him but finding myself unable to produce anything but incoherent ramblings. Eventually, I peaked out between my fingers, only doing so because I felt the planchette begin to move again. My vision was blurry but I could still tell what was happening and my eyes widened when I saw the object move down to the word ‘goodbye’.

“What happened?” I blurted out, finally removing my hand from my face to look at Eren.

“I ended the session,” he said simply, taking the planchette off of the board.

I wiped my eyes, trying to get rid of the blur that was blocking my vision as his words played back in my mind.

He what?

“Why?”

Eren stood up, already beginning to put everything away. “He had stopped using it. I didn’t want anything else to try and come through.”

“What?” I quickly got up, going over to stand by him. “What the hell do you mean? Does that mean he didn’t hear what I said? Why did he leave?”

“He didn’t leave,” he said, his voice a little sterner. He placed the board down in its original place, leaning his hands against the bookshelf’s surface and giving a sigh. After a few moments, he turned back around to face me. “He heard you, okay? He just… got distracted by your crying, is all.”

I furrowed my brows. “So I’m not /allowed/ to cry?”

“I didn’t /say/ that.”

“Well, what the hell else could you have meant?” I questioned, my voice straining a little in frustration.

Eren put his head in his hands and gave an irritated groan. “This isn’t going to work,” he muttered.

My body went limp at that, any anger that had been slowly building up quickly disappearing. “What?”

“We’re not doing this again,” he said, pulling his hands away from his face and moving away from me, returning to tidying up.

I stayed stood still whilst I watched him, like a deer in headlights. Was he being serious?

“You said you would help me,” I spoke, my words quiet.

He sighed, turning back to look at me.

“I thought you wanted, like, /closure/. If I had known you were still so fragile about the whole thing, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“So you’re saying you’re done helping me, just like that?”

“Seems like it.”

We stared at each other a moment, the room almost silent. I hadn’t noticed just how heavy my breathing had gotten.

“Go fuck yourself,” I spat, though my voice was filled more with hurt than anger.

Without lingering a second longer, I turned on my heal, not giving him a second look as I walked away. I headed straight downstairs, having every intention to leave immediately, but was stopped by Sasha just before I could reach the door.

She grabbed my wrist from behind, turning me to look at her.

“Jean, what’s going on?” She asked, scanning my face a moment before adding, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She gave me a concerned look but didn’t press any further, pulling her hand away from me. I was about to leave when an idea came into my mind.

“Hey, Sasha,” I spoke slowly, turning properly to face her. She raised a questioning brow and I carried on. “Last night, was the board you and your friends used Eren’s?”

“No. Actually, it’s Ymir’s, though she only got it because she thought it looked cool,” she explained. “Why?”

“Can I borrow it?”

“Um, I guess,” she mumbled slowly. “She’s downstairs in her room right now if you want to go ask.”

I nodded, making my way past her to head to the basement door.

“Jean.”

I turned back to look at Sasha, raising a brow at her.

“You don’t actually believe in that kind of thing, do you?”

I offered a faint smile.

“Of course not.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for reading! I plan to update this every Sunday/Monday, so I hope you enjoy :)


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